Change...

Everybody goes through a phase in life where change is imminent. I always thought I'd be stable and confident simply because I have always been satisfied with what I had. I hated change.

However this past month, everything has changed, am single now, i changed my phone (got the iPhone 4, amazing gadget), changed my hair colour, cut my hair, and got new clothes (all these wonderful, satisfying activities have left a big hole in my pocket)...

So why is change so difficult for some people to endure?

 Well in my case, its the fear of the unknown. I'm the kind of person who plans everything, from the time i get up (well i plan it but doesn't mean i get up on time la) to my life. Imagine just diving into the ocean, not knowing how to swim, not knowing if there will be someone there to save you or swim with you.

Another reason I believe, is self doubt. The 'What If" question is always playing at the back of my mind. Sitting on the high chair at the salon with brown dye on my head, I kept thinking over and over again, "What if I dont like it?", "What if it doesn't look professional?", "What if I look like a total estate?", "What if people stare at me?".. Crazy I know (because my sister kept telling me that) but its the same feeling you get when your sitting for a multiple choice exam and you don't know whether you have ticked the right answer. And if its the wrong one, you keep hitting your head!!!!

There are so many reasons for the fear of change. But recent times have taught me that, sometimes change is refreshing and welcome. We do not necessarily realise when it is time to let go, it could be your hair, your shoes, your favourite old t-shirt or even someone special but at the end of the day letting go and accepting change may be the best thing you can do for yourself.

There is always a reason for everything that happens. Hold on to that, believe and hope for the best. If it doesn't work your way, don't worry you will learn something new and the new experience will teach you to make a better choice next time.

'Change brings opportunity' - Nido Qubein 

The old me

The new me

Silk 'Vidya'

The name Silk Smitha has and always will draw a cheeky smile or covert glance at a mere mention. Known for her provocative dressing in the 1980's, Silk was synonymous with the words sex symbol.

However this sultry beauty with bedroom eyes never dreamed that she would die a sex icon with no other significant accomplishments to her name.

Born Vijayalakshmi in Eluru, Andhra Pradesh, Smitha left school after her fourth standard due to financial constraints. She became a film star by accident when she moved with her aunt to Madras and was discovered by Indian director Vinu Chakravarthy at a flour mill. He renamed her Smitha and his wife taught her English, while she learned dancing from another teacher. 
Over the years, Silk tried in vain to get meatier roles that would strengthen her status as an 'actress'. She did try her hand at several roles in critically acclaimed movies including Layanam, Allagai Oivathillai and Moondram Pirai but directors kept knocking on her door for item songs, much to her dismay.
In fact, she even tried producing a film in 1995 but on Sept 23, 1996, she died after numerous heart breaks, financial difficulties and alcohol woes. It was widely speculated that Silk committed suicide but till date the theory has not been proved but friends, family and NGOs demanded for an inquest into her death despite police reports that concluded it was suicide. Nothing  was done.
Now the mystery that is Silk Smitha has been unearthed, rumour mills have started again after producer and queen of Hindi Serials Ekta Kapoor announced a movie on the life and times of Silk. Noted actress Vidya Balan is playing the southern beauty's role and she shares the screen with Nasseruddin Shah, Emraan Hashmi and Tusshar Kapoor (Ekta's brother) in the movie dubbed "The Dirty Picture".

While I love Vidya Balan for her immaculate acting skills, her finesse and beauty, I strongly doubt that she could pull off Silk's personal life on the silver screens. Believe or not I think she is too classy for this role.
Silk was a class of her own, she batted her lashes with a seductive smile (with even white teeth), she moved her hips like an expert courtesan and even made each sexy scene believeable. (don't believe me? check out Youtube). If it sounds like I admire the sex siren, well in a way I do. Nobody wants to be known as a mere item girl. I am sure it was difficult for her to put on a poker face and  do her job everyday. It must have been nearly impossible to rub shoulders with some (really bad looking) actors and pretend to love doing it. 
Can Vidya pull off the bedroom eyes and the sultry moves? Maybe not but I am sure she can pull off the desperation Silk felt, the pain she lived with and the loneliness that many say claimed Silk's life. 
So will the crowd love Vidya as Silk or will they walk out the theater on the day of the movie's release, Dec 2 (Silk's birth date) with disappointment? Let's wait and watch.

Vidya Balan may be too classy for this role

Silk was a class of her own